To:     Multiple recipients of list TOR-CH 
From:   Rick Dinitz  (current address dinitz@tibco.com)
Date:   10/19/95 03:25:49 PM
Subject: Rick's Guide to Respectful Writing


 When we (the moderators and founders) were still thinking about the
list that eventually became Tor-Ch, we expressed the hope that this
list would become a real community.  We wanted that community to be
known for substantive discussion and for respectful dialogue (even
when we disagree with one another).  We wanted to create a safe place
for people to discuss important ideas that relate to our Jewish lives.

We wanted a place where Torah would come alive in the spirit of "elu
va'elu" [both of these opposing viewpoints are words of the living
God].  We still want all these things.

 To help us create and maintain the community we want, I offer a list
of 18 informal guidelines and maxims that I use to improve my own
email writing.  I try to follow them, and mostly, they keep me out of
trouble (although I still mess up now and then).  I encourage all of
us to keep them in mind when posting to Tor-Ch (or anywhere).


		  Rick's Guide to Respectful Writing
		  ----------------------------------

  1. Respect your neighbor -- especially when you disagree.

  2. Don't beat a dead horse.
     When you've said everything that needs to be said _once_, stop.

  3. Getting the last word means nothing.
     It's better to make sure that all your words are worth reading.

  4. Qualify your opinions, and your facts too.
     Don't bluff or bluster; your peers are too smart for that.

  5. Eschew hyperbole, over-generalization and sarcasm.

  6. Never embarrass anyone in public.
     Halbanat panim [whitening the face of another] is a sin.

  7. When reading a post that seems to demand a response,
     read it twice before composing a reply.
     Before sending that reply, read it yet again.

  8. Never send anything while feeling angry or indignant.
     It really _can_ wait.
     And in the meantime you might change your mind.

  9. Review and edit posts carefully before sending.
     Make each contribution as good as you can.

 10. Limit the number of posts you send.
     (For most people, two per day is a good maximum.)
     Multiple exchanges on a single topic between the same people
     usually exhausts most of the topic's value.  Quit after three
     or four exchanges, and agree to disagree.

 11. Don't respond when others act like jerks.
     Everyone else can discern the jerks without your help.
     Responding only encourages them to further embarrass themselves.

 12. When you make a mistake, apologize.
     When you make a big mistake, apologize big-time.
     Always apologize sincerely.  Do it promptly.
     Don't use your apology as an excuse to defend yourself.

 13. Remember that every post you send is archived for posterity.

 14. Don't send anything you wouldn't want your mother, your
     grandmother, or your Senate confirmation committee to read.

 15. You don't have a monopoly on Truth.
     You have a unique and valuable perspective.
     So does everyone else.

 16. Remember that nobody has to read what you post.
     Unless you write intelligently and politely,
     others can and will delete your posts unread.

 17. All the other members are human beings too.
     They have faces.
     They have feelings.

 18. The other members of this community are your friends.
     Make peace.


 Kol tuv,
 -Rick

[dinitz@tibco.com]
Copyright 1995, Rick Dinitz

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